Lo is not a pimp, so Lo commit suicide

Bills, you guys

Hot billing action: the KeySpan and ConEd this month are $33.86 and $20.95 a person, respectively. Matt also nicely bought our homestead a 1 lb. bag of Pike's Place Roast, so we're officially Starbucked.

Watch out for Evelyn

FYI, two Jehovah's Witness ladies are roaming the neighborhood. At least one of them is named Evelyn, and they will try to argue that God exists even though he is invisible, because the air is also invisible but "we're still breathing" and the wind is still blowing. They seem to strike right when you need to go poo. They also gave me a booklet about what Jehovah wants from us, etc., which has plenty of great illustrations, especially of Jesus as a lost extra from Cannonball Run (excellent beard!). According to the photo on page 123, Jehovah does not like Latin gangs or stealing crystal figurines of ballerinas which you hide under your fur-lined coat.
They might be back to talk about certain chapters in this thing, so be sure to empty out your colon first or just ignore the doorbell.

And then there was one.....

Apparently a certain someone is looking for a like-minded, preferably well armed, and excellent adventurer on craigslist.

http://onwardcharles.blogspot.com/

This is Rachel's friend Vicky's blog.

Domestic Violence

Today, I threw a box of granola bars at Randy.  I didn't mean to hurt him, but sometimes he just gets me so ANGRY!

Catch And Release

Over the weekend, Randy caught a roach in a cup.  When I woke up Sunday morning to go to the bathroom, I noticed this dirty little critter on top of the toilet, staring at me motionless through the thin plastic layer of an upside down plastic cup.  It seemed as if Randy had masterminded the end of this poor pest's life by simply leaving it somewhere his favorite bug killing roomy might find it.  A few taps on the cup gave it some possible sense of escape, but it was all but futile.  As  soon as it went for the upper tier of the interior ridges that lined it's once safe haven, the hand of a demigod snatched the goblet and shook it's denizen into its final place of rest, wet and tumultuous.  Swirling , the beast made a sad attempt to regain footing on the porcelain surface.  UNSUCCESSFUL. 

I piss on your grave, bug, and so does everyone else that lives in this apartment.

KeySpan news

The latest in KeySpan: this month's bill is $96.20, or about $32 a person.
Also, a mourning dove is building a nest on the fire escape, which is really sweet. She's just having a good sit.

Mark your calendars!

Next week there will likely be some sedering at 703 Sackett come Thursday at sundown. Bring your best kugel and get ready to drink your face off with Elijah (if he ever shows up!).
Also, congrats to Randy for sorting out his work situation! He celebrated with some "chik'n" nuggets and McDonald's barbecue sauce. Randy contends that this is the best barbecue sauce out there. Question of the day: is it?

Onions...

Randy was really tired all day. He tried to cut an onion and made a mess of it. All chunky and not in the usual half rings, how I like him to do it. He also didn't use the BIG knife as I instructed, siting that he's "been cutting for years" and "I'm no butterfingers like you Eric", which I retorted that he would soon be "Bloody Fingers" if he keeps cutting shit like that.

Week in Review

• The ConEd and Time Warner bills came, $19.04 and $39.05 a person, respectively.
• Elizabeth said that our shower was leaking onto her bathroom ceiling, which the plumber checked out on Tuesday.
• This blog was created.
• Ever wonder if Kelly Cutrone is being nice to Whitney and Lauren just because they're on Teh Hills? Or are they actually that competent? Look out Jessica, generic-looking PR assistant at People's Revolution...you're the new Elodie!